mesdames et messieurs, bunna et biff de hommage olympiques

Bunna and Biff love the Winter Olympics. Bunna always says there’s nothing like putting aside scholarly criticism of patriotism and nationalism and wearing an American flag for pants and a ratty USA Olympic t-shirt from the ’84 Sarajevo games and chanting, “USA! USA!” at the TV in an attempt to distract Yevgeny Plushenko during his long program. Nothing like it. Maybe it was Bunna and Biff’s employment at the 2002 Salt Lake Winter Games that has “Relit the Fire Within.” Who knows. But in honor of the XXI Olympic Winter Games, Bunna and Biff decided to have a fun activity with the kids. They had a “come as your favorite Olympian” dinner the other night.

In the tradition of all Olympic proceedings, we report in both of the official Olympic languages.

Biff venu comme Lindsay Vonn. Elle portait un pis-aller pinky exprimés et gémissait overdramatically propos du bleu sur le tibia. Elle a remporté une médaille d'or pour la soupe de brocoli.

Biff came as Lindsay Vonn. She wore a make-shift pinky cast and whined overdramatically about the bruise on her shin. She won a gold medal for broccoli soup.

Zoé a été un athlète combiné nordique qui a échoué sa formation post-événement dopage.

Zoe came as a Nordic Combined athlete who failed her post-event doping test.

Bunna est venu comme le patinage de vitesse néerlandais, Gerard Kemkers, qui dit Zoé à siéger à la chaise à l'extérieur pour le dîner. A sa grande consternation, Zoé a été immédiatement exclue de la table.

Bunna came as the Dutch speed skating, Gerard Kemkers, who told Zoe to sit in the outside chair for dinner. To his utter dismay, Zoe was immediately disqualified from the table. Het was allemaal de schuld van Bunna's.

Mattie est venu comme son patineur de vitesse américain favori, Apolo Ohno. Elle a occupé jusqu'à sept doigts et a critiqué les Coréens du Sud pour leur tour clandestine tout au long du repas.

Mattie came as her favorite American speed skater, Apolo Ohno. She held up seven fingers and criticized the South Koreans for their illegal turns throughout the meal.

Bonne chance, les équipe États-Unis d'Amérique.

doll house

Bunna and Biff got their girls a doll house for Christmas - a really great one, too. The postmodern architecture provides the optimally comfortable living conditions all little people desire in a home. The little tykes have graciously allowed our cameras in to sneak a peek.

The entire house features beautiful hardwood floors, and the master bedroom is no exception. A spacious room with an enormous skylight that provides ample natural light, the master is truly a gem. Dwyber enjoys gazing out the skylight on long summer evenings.

One of the only drawbacks of this magnificent house, the master bath (in fact, the only bathroom in the entire home) is directly below the bedroom. It features a wood bathtub and counter top and more of the same stunning hardwood. With no direct access to any other room in the house - including the master bedroom - this is the most secluded room, perfect for a long hot bath. We caught Christopher doing just that! The tykes have considered installing a fireman's pole or rope ladder to get from the bedroom to the bathroom. Perhaps the biggest disappointment is the lack of a toilet in the bathroom, a feature which makes this home truly one of a kind.

On the top floor is the second bedroom. Featuring another gorgeous skylight, this room provides plenty of play space for the tykes. Pigtails enjoys one of her favorite episodes of Baby Signing Time.

The kitchen features brand new wood appliances, wood counter tops, and more of the same brilliant wood flooring. It has a small reading nook, just perfect for browsing a magazine while the spaghetti cooks. Large windows and access to the second floor veranda make the kitchen a tykes favorite.

The attached one car garage is perfect for the tykes' customized, overhauled bus.

The backyard is really what makes this property so special. Bunna and Biff went for the upgrade here. The tykes can enjoy a competitive game of tetherball or go fishing in the fully-stocked fish pond...
...or enjoy the hot tub on crisp autumn evenings.

While assembling the house, Bunna, usually a whiz at following instructions, found a few extra pieces. He did the best he could with what he had.

A house with such modern styling and amenities, is really offset by the archaic outhouse. Doubly inconvenient in this case, the would-be kloh client has to climb a flight of stairs, where there, atop his perch he may do his business.

Oh! those incorrigible little tykes!

Bunna and Biff may have watched too much HGTV while away for the holidays.

bunna and biff's own uninsurable

Last week Bunna caught the following intriguing news story:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

To see the entire clip with limited commercial interruption, including NBC's own Dr. Corporate America (a.k.a. Nancy Snyderman) with her weekly dose of "medical" expertise, click here.

Bunna and Biff's own little 18 lb. uninsurable and her older same-size-around sister.

Uninsurable or not, they'll take her.

the goatherd

Bunna and Biff packed up the kids and headed off for the Prairie Farms petting zoo for an afternoon of watch where you step. The goatherd displayed a blatant disregard for all things fecal (her shoes will never be the same), but she thoroughly enjoyed herself. Bunna switched on the camera at just the right moment.

One must be vigilant in such an environment. Bunna's attention to the cinematographic arts distracted him from noticing that his shorts were becoming a goat's afternoon snack and that Biff's baby sling was 10 inches down the throat of an arthritic deer. Retrieving the half-masticated sling was easy enough; however, contemplating the idea that it had been so near the doe's GI tract and that it was covered in some ungodly slime, made the urbanites a little uneasy.

Fortunately for Bunna and Biff, there is more to do at Prairie Farms than enter the ring of cloven-hoofed chaos. They were pleasantly surprised by the variety of farm animals on display.

Ducks,

rabbits,

chickens,

peacocks,

llamas,

and many more that didn't make the highlight reel.

The goatherd's shoes are still wrapped in a plastic bag in the trunk of the car. Bunna and Biff aren't sure that she'll wear them again.

school bus flips - four dead, one critically injured

Bunnaland, IL--

Bunnaland police officers and firemen responding to the crash site of a Little Tikes school bus said it was the worst accident in memory. A Biff County School District bus careened off the threshold between the kitchen and the living room early Friday afternoon expelling all four passengers and the driver, sending four to their tragic deaths and critically wounding a fifth.

A shot of the carnage before emergency teams arrived.

Dr. Zoerson, a Biff County spokesperson, has confirmed the deaths of 2 year-old, Librarian Little Person, 2 1/2 year-old Christopher Little Person, 2 year-old Pig-Tails Little Person, and 3 year-old Dwyber Little Person, who was found 48 1/2 inches from the crash site.

From left to right: Pig-Tails, Christopher, and Librarian.

Orange-hair Little Person, survived the crash, but was rushed to Biff County Hospital with severe internal bleeding. Surgeons there attempting to repair the damage are apparently baffled by his anatomy and are waiting for a specialist from neighboring Tikestown before commencing what could be a life-saving procedure.

Investigators have yet to determine the cause of the accident, but released a statement late this evening which indicated they were looking closely at the distance between Mr. Dwyber and the rest of the wreckage. "That is the key to this investigation," said Sgt. Bifferson of the Bunnaland Police Department, who is heading up the investigation.

48 inches stands between investigators and understanding the cause of this tragic accident.

Dwyber Litte Person, 36 minute veteran of the Biff County School District.

Sources close to the investigation say there have been allegations of negligence levied against Biff County School District for failing to install steering wheels in their busses and for inept hiring practices that have led to 99% of all Little Tikes drivers with arms too short to operate county school busses. Biff County School District officials responded by claiming they are an equal opportunity employer and that arm length has no impact on one's ability to crash a bus.

Law enforcement officials are also looking for this girl, who they think may have had something to do with the crash.

If anyone has any information about her whereabouts, please contact the Biff County Sheriff's Department at 506-LIL-PEPL.

blog momentum

Bunna and Biff have had some requests to see Mattie's hair.

One with her eyes closed.

One with her eyes open.

Mattie and Biff hanging out at home.

On another note, Zoe is starting to think about potty training. Well, at least Bunna and Biff have started thinking about it. They bought her a few different potties to pique her interest in all things potty and to encourage her to someday go sans diaper. In Zoe's mind, diapers are for babies, like baby Mattie, and big girls don't need them. Bunna and Biff are skeptical. Case in point: Zoe was sitting out on her picnic table enjoying the warm summer afternoon. Bunna asked her if she needed to go potty. "Do you need to go number one or number two?" he asked. "Number three!" she replied.

Zoe showing number three.

Bunna didn't know that was an option and after conducting extensive research in the potty books Zoe borrowed from the library, he's certain number three is exclusive to Zoe's potty lexicon. Maybe one day she'll show them what number three is. This prospect frightens Bunna.

The potty research project was, however, not fruitless. Bunna came across some material that rounds out his considerable knowledge in all things poop. One noteworthy text titled Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Tot: Songs & Rhymes for Toilet Training features potty poems to popular childrens' songs. Bunna has two favorites.

The Tushy Pushy

(to the tune of "The Hokey Pokey")

You pull your undies down.

You take the potty out.

You sit your bottom down,

And you push the poopy out.

You do the Tushy Pushy

Till the poop is in the pot.

That's what it's all about!

Indeed. That is what it's all about!

Itsy-Bitsy Poo-Poo

(to the tune of "Itsy-Bitsy Spider)

An itsy-bitsy poo poo

Was floating in the bowl.

I wiped my bum with paper

And flushed it down the hole.

I washed my hands with soap,

Then I walked right out the door.

And I'll return again

When I have to poop some more.

Bunna was a little disappointed that the rendition did not include hand gestures.

As Jerry Wyckoff, Ph.D., coauthor of Discipline without Shouting or Spanking, says, "Now, you and your toddler can sing, dance, and laugh your way through toilet training!" So far it's a regular Sound of Music of potty training over at Bunna and Biff's. Bunna is Capt. von Flush. Biff is Fraulein Floater.

welcome mattie mae

Mattie was born Thursday, June 11 at 10:36 a.m. She weighed 8 lbs. 5 oz. and measured 20 1/2 in. She's a cute girl.

Zoe stealing the spotlight. Bunna suspects Zoe needs corrective eyewear. Here she is squinting to find the camera.

Just the girls.

Big sister. Happy, but near sighted.

The new and improved Snow family.

genetic unlikelihood? maybe not

When Bunna and Biff were newly married and merely considering the possibility of some day having children, Bunna tried to convince Biff that girls were a genetic unlikelihood in his family. You see, Bunna is one of four boys and his older brother was, at that time, father of two boys. Rolling two X chromosomes seemed less likely than rolling Yahtzee, and as we all know, the probability of a Yahtzee for any three-roll turn is about .04603 (or roughly 1 in 22 attempts) and the odds of rolling five-of-a-kind in the first roll is more like 1 in 1296. So boys it would be. Or so said Bunna. 

Bunna was wrong.

Enter Zoe. 

Apparently Bunna and Biff roll lots of Yahtzees.

Enter player to be named later (Yahtzee #2).

Bunna and Biff couldn't be happier. 100 point bonus for the second Yahtzee! It's not a bad way to start off the scorecard. 

On a related note, ultrasounds are interesting experiences. The technicians search for vital organs and measurements of the head and spine in a sea of confusingly undulating static--very technical and good to know, but Bunna just wants to adjust the rabbit ears. The scientific part out of the way, most technicians (if things are going their way) try to provide a little entertainment for the excited parents.

This time around Bunna and Biff got some feet and toes...

and this one of Skeletor...er..."face"...this is the one Zoe calls "doggy"--woof woof.

Neither Bunna nor Biff were eager to claim this as their genetic material.

Anyway, Bunna was wrong--way wrong.

12-0

Bunna and Biff tried to post this earlier, but it was intercepted 5 times. 

zoe the salty sea-dog

Zoe swears like a sailor. The researchers at the University of Illinois' Language Acquisition Lab told Biff that new studies suggest that toddlers learn large groups of words by what they call data mining. Data mining, usually computer assisted, involves analyzing and sorting through massive amounts of raw data to find relationships, correlations, and useful information. This theory suggests that the human brain accumulates large amounts of data minute by minute, day by day, and handles this data processing automatically and it could contribute to a "system" approach to language learning that helps explain the ease with which some toddlers can learn multiple words at once. In other words, Zoe's swearing habit could be attributed to the massive amounts of raw data (in this case cuss words) she absorbs each day. What Bunna and Biff don't understand is where she gets the "raw data." They have never been known to utter profanities; they don't allow Zoe to watch HBO (they don't even have cable); and she hasn't been a merchant marine, as far as they know. In case you're wondering, here are some of Zoe's most frequent expletives and the best explanations Bunna and Biff can conjure:

F*&# translates as frog. (They know this because Zoe's favorite bath towel is a frog. Unless that towel is dirty Zoe usually gets out of the bathtub saying, "F*&#! F*&#! F*&#!")

F*&#er translates as finger. (Bunna and Biff first heard this after a checking out a board book about body parts from the public library. Zoe has a hand and ten f*&#ers.)

S*%t translates as shirt. (Zoe used to say "s*%t" as she crawled around looking for things to play with. Bunna and Biff now hear this most often when they try to dress Zoe in the morning. They originally thought she was angry about having a hard time getting her arms in the sleeves, but now they think she's just fashion conscious and doesn't want to wear that dumb s*%t.)

B^$%h translates as spoon. (Zoe can't say spoon. B^$%h is the closest she can get. Recently, however, she has cleaned up her language; she is more likely to use butts now to the great relief of her parents.)

Bunna and Biff are keeping a close eye on all her little friends just to see where she's picking this up. They have a pretty good idea. In the meantime they are encouraging her to broaden her vocabulary in the hopes that she will someday break the habit. 

Salt-mouth.

The culprits: Zoe and some of her potty-mouthed friends.